MEU CU

     Hello. It is with great joy that I announce this comeback. In 2020, I tried not watching any YouTube videos for a couple of weeks and it was a weird and yet important experience. Many of the things I did at the time I now look back fondly because I was genuinely trying to change my life. I remember feeling empty and like I could grow in ways I didn't understand. There was panic and anxiety, but also a will to live. I remember baking bread and cooking more, I remember walking around the neighborhood and waking up super-early. It was a lovely time, and it was only possible because I was away from YouTube and got my brain and soul back.     As a bit of an explation over why I did that in the past, and why I'm doing it again, I will paint a picture. I was the fourth kid in the house, and while my parents were married and living with me, they still did not take care of me that well or that often. As a kid, I had a nanny I had a really special connection with (fo...

  For context, my dad is autistic (diagnosed at the time as childhood schizophrenia) and my mom is ADHD. I'm apparently neither, as of now. But I grew up in a family of weird people with quirks, sensibilities, limitations and self-hating thoughts. They need structure and stable lowkey jobs. Most don't have any friends except for other relatives and church acquaintances. And they are all very religious. Here comes me. I was always very emotional, very empathetic and would defend my family and my beliefs with claws and fangs. Naturally, I grew up with an inherent attraction to weirdos. I always looked forward to making what I considered fun friends instead of boring ones. To other people, what I considered “fun” was actually just weird. But I didn’t care.  Now, am I weird? I might not be diagnosed autistic or ADHD, I might not need to mask constantly, but I am. I am weird. The interesting part is that I can fake not being weird fairly well, and I could potentially only mingle wi...