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Quarta Semana Sem YouTube (Dia 26)

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De fato, minha vida tem sido muito chata nos últimos dias. No início, eu tinha ansiedade, mas agora eu tenho tédio. Tudo é igual a todo o resto; eu me sinto como uma aristocrata no século XVIII. As únicas coisas que eu quero fazer é lazer, conversar com pessoas da minha idade, comer, me exercitar com atividades leves e transar secretamente. Eu estou aguando as plantas todos os dias agora como uma prática meditativa. Eu escolho o menor regador de todos e, com um pouco de água, eu molho todas as raízes de uma planta, individualmente. É claro que eu tenho uma mangueira que aguaria essas plantas de forma muito mais rápida, mas quem liga? É rápido de mais e não toma tempo o suficiente. Estou até cogitando fazer meu próprio pão, por diversão. Ontem, eu limpei a caixa de areia do gato por puro tédio, por que eu não faria algo levemente mais interessante por diversão? Enfim, acho que finalmente cheguei ao ponto de admirar a situação estúpida em que estamos. Finalmente, eu aceitei que essa quar...
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Are you autistic or just socially stunted?

Are you autistic, socially stunted, neglected or all of the above? In the last two years, my therapist has been calling my students my "patients", sometimes accidentally and sometimes as banter. At first, I laughed it off, until my mom started saying I act as more of a friend or a therapist to my students than an actual teacher. I explained that half of what I do is giving them the confidence that they can learn and that they will do it well if they persist. I talk to my students about perfectionism being as much of an obstacle as a big ego, and that both can stunt your progress. Many of them have opened up about their personal lives, about how they feel towards their jobs, spouses, children... They feel safe sharing, and sometimes oversharing. And they feel alone, because they are alone. I started working as a teacher in 2023, but it wasn't the first time I saw myself in this spot of therapist. I have been my friends' therapist since I decided to take my own healing ...
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No YouTube Day 4

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     Hello. It is with great joy that I announce this comeback. In 2020, I tried not watching any YouTube videos for a couple of weeks and it was a weird and yet important experience. Many of the things I did at the time I now look back fondly because I was genuinely trying to change my life. I remember feeling empty and like I could grow in ways I didn't understand. There was panic and anxiety, but also a will to live. I remember baking bread and cooking more, I remember walking around the neighborhood and waking up super-early. It was a lovely time, and it was only possible because I was away from YouTube and got my brain and soul back.     As a bit of an explation over why I did that in the past, and why I'm doing it again, I will paint a picture. I was the fourth kid in the house, and while my parents were married and living with me, they still did not take care of me that well or that often. As a kid, I had a nanny I had a really special connection with (fo...
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The weirdos I love hate themselves

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  For context, my dad is autistic (diagnosed at the time as childhood schizophrenia) and my mom is ADHD. I'm apparently neither, as of now. But I grew up in a family of weird people with quirks, sensibilities, limitations and self-hating thoughts. They need structure and stable lowkey jobs. Most don't have any friends except for other relatives and church acquaintances. And they are all very religious. Here comes me. I was always very emotional, very empathetic and would defend my family and my beliefs with claws and fangs. Naturally, I grew up with an inherent attraction to weirdos. I always looked forward to making what I considered fun friends instead of boring ones. To other people, what I considered “fun” was actually just weird. But I didn’t care.  Now, am I weird? I might not be diagnosed autistic or ADHD, I might not need to mask constantly, but I am. I am weird. The interesting part is that I can fake not being weird fairly well, and I could potentially only mingle wi...
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I started self medicating with dangerous thyroid drugs

As a bit of an introduction to my life at the moment, I had a blood test done in the beginning of January. At the time, I was expecting a hypothyroidism diagnosis, and it is what I got. To sum the treatment up, there is a gold standard and a fringe treatment. The gold standard only came to be because of how the drug entered the market. "T4 is safer than T3" is the lie many doctors tell patients nowadays, but the argument is faulty: if you take the T3 responsibly everyday, and taper it down if you want to stop taking it, it isn't dangerous at all. But that was different in the 20th century. In its early stages, both hormones were made from cattle. And although they had a pretty good idea of how much hormone was in the pill, they couldn't be sure.T4 has a longer half-life, so if you accidentally produced a drug with more T4 in one pill, patients wouldn't have huge fluctuations and would, therefore, not feel so different day to day. T3 on the other hand, has a very ...
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