this is messy
This is gonna be a flow of ideas, no time to think, no time to edit. It is 16:44 and in twenty minutes, I will stop writing. I’m bored. And I know what happens when I’m bored. I cut corners. And that works, actually. Cutting corners makes me focus on what I want. But this time, it’s different. What I want is not what my guts tell me. And I don’t know if that's good. I want to run from my friends. I want to end those pseudo relationships and find new ones, test new things. But what I actually need to do is to stay. I gotta stay and see how to keep relationships after things start to plato. But that’s hard! I don’t want to fight for my friends. I don’t want to be sorry or ask for people to be sorry for me. I don’t want to solve long lasting issues, I don’t want to ask myself what I should do to keep it healthy and sustainable. This is too complicated and I’ve never gone far enough to do these things. So, technically, I know this is the learning phase, this is the m...