MEU CU

This one is hopefully going to be a short essay, because I don't want to ruminate on things if ruminated on all my fucking life. I've been through so much shit with dieting, and honestly I'm tired of it. I'm tired of my body, and after the uterus removal, my belly straight up emptied like a balloon was under it.  I tried so many diets, including the intuitive eating stuff. It was so so hard that I started adapting it. Now, I'm partially intuitive, partially planned. I have to admit that that I'm also going through a bit of gender dysphoria with my breasts. I know that I've always had dysphoria with it, but lately, I've been feeling it even more. Not sure why, but I have a theory it has to do with getting rid of my uterus. For a while, I thought my discomfort with my uterus/periods was normal and a matter of accepting I was a woman. It's a feeling that, to be fair, many women go through, but I was especially comfortable with getting rid of it. I was e...

 I feel like my biggest problem right now is that I need a best friend stat. I need someone who's willing to watch nerdy shows with me, and that enjoys my political rants and rumblings. I need someone to take care of my cats when I'm in Brasília. I need someone that understands that I'm healing and that I don't want more problems. I wish I had someone that just knew me already. My mom came over for two weeks, it was a great time. I slept better because I didn't walk the cats (and because my mom woke up in the middle of the night to feed those dumbasses before I did). My mom made me food and it was just so good to not think about that, even though the food we ordered was expensive as fuck. She bought me the stuff I didn't have the guts to buy (I'm genuinely afraid of spending money now and I have to fucking stop doing that). She made me realize that everything I do is more fun with another person there. I really loved the time she spent here. I also felt the ...

It's universally known that health issues can humble the proudest of people, even those who don't even need any more humbling. Dare I say, especially those who have suffered the most are often the sickest among us. I don't think that's my case, although I have been going through it with my mental health in the last 10 years. It hasn't been easy, but I persist, and I dream and I try new things even though they're so uncomfortable.  This year was especially hard. I have been going through it with chronic pain, weight fluctuations, hair loss, depression, loneliness and very important life decisions. On top of it, I had to fight tooth and nail for a necessary surgery: my hysterectomy. It was hard, but I did it. Obviously, I didn't do a lot this year except take care of my health. The things I did had mostly to do with surviving and scratching itches . I went out a lot with different people from bumble BFF. The experiences were definitely not all positive, but I...