MEU CU

- Escovar mais os dentes - Comprar uma cama de verdade - Comprar travesseiros e almofadas - Passar em Medicina - Fazer a faculdade de Medicina - Mosaicos - Já ter vendido meus livros - Ficar musculosa - Nunca mentir pra ela. Nem por bobagem. Nunca mesmo. - Ser uma pessoa boa - Ter um cabelo longo (ela tem trauma de quando eu cortei o cabelo e eu também) - Contar pra ela que tive pensamentos suicidas - Ter um gato (eu tenho) - Ter dinheiro (eu tenho, mas mais dinheiro) - Tirar o útero e tirar os peitos antes e parar de suar antes

Se tem uma coisa que eu sofro cronicamente é com tédio e com gente. Tédio é a pedra no meu sapato: não importa o quanto eu me distraio, ele está lá. Se eu ando, ele me perturba. E quando eu durmo (vamos imaginar que eu durmo de sapato) ele vira de um lado pro outro. Já seres humanos me perturbam porque eles são meio burrinhos. Sem ofensa. Não me sinto superior por ser mais inteligente que a maioria das pessoas. Na verdade, me sinto inferior por isso. O problema é que eu sou uma pessoa que tem muitos problemas na cabeça. Não sei se isso tem a ver com ser inteligente, talvez. Mas eu tenho tédio crônico, desprezo por outras pessoas, preguiça intensa de tentar fazer coisas que não são perfeitas, falta de esperança e tendência à auto decepção.  Com a tendência a auto decepção, eu já acreditei que eu poderia ser branca. No sentido de... mudar meu próprio rosto, meus genes, meu corpo, com o poder da mente.  Em 2014, eu me convenci de que eu e Maria Clara iríamos namorar quando ela ti...

This week has been going so well. I'm on day 3 of working and it was not as stressful as I thought it would be. I was expecting a lot of fighting between teachers, and teaching classes right away. It seems like they really like training people there because this is very chill. I'm glad I was hired, I was right about this being the perfect job for autistics. Not only did they teach me the same thing a hundred times (which I'm very pleased about), but they also made me give classes on a whim! Just to practice. I loved it. I'm really excited to give classes like they do. My mom also hired my brother so he can drive me to work. He promised he would be punctual, so that's a positive. Arthur also offered me a ride on Saturdays, so I won't have to depend on Ubers. Amen.  I'm very glad.

I just read my last draft (it wasn't even posted) from July 2023, it is now April 2025. That last draft really took me to another point in my personal history. It was just 2 years ago but it feels like I was another person. I was just losing weight due to a crazy diet and I was hopeful that Sertraline would fix me or help me fix myself faster than it was possible. That draft was about my new job at a Language School that I went to as a kid and then hired as an adult. It was truly really nice to work there. But I was incorrect about it being the perfect job for autistics. The reason I thought it was the perfect job for me was because they repeated the same thing a bunch of times, and I didn't realize that the reason was because I had no classes to give. It ended up being a very short lived internship about how to teach. Although I lasted one month there, it was good for my career. Right after I was fired, I tried to absorb everything as fast as I could. I didn't want baggage...