baby grill

Ok. So, I'll write this so maybe we can solve things faster that way. 

So, the actual problem was not really today, as we can probably both access. Today just happened to be a good example of what our fights look like. So maybe we can learn some things from it. In the beginning of the conversation, I said I was "annoying" in the sense that I was goofy, wanting to interact, happy to see you. I think maybe I meant annoying in a needy sense. Because that's what comes to my mind when someone calls another person annoying. I was just happy to see you. 

After that happened, you said you couldn't deal with me being annoying right now. Which to me made sense, because I was needy and maybe you were tired. But what you actually thought my “annoying” meant was being mean. Now, if we had just processed that small misinterpretation and moved on from it ,I would be more than fine now. In fact, I'd probably be happy again and eager to talk. But that was not the case. 

You started being sad about making me sad, when what actually happened was that my happiness was at a nine and it dropped to a six after you said you didn’t want to deal with annoying right now. Then you kept being mean to yourself, saying that words I said with no intent of hurting you meant "how I saw you" when that was not the case. I was just frustrated you kept the discussion going. I didn't want to see the woman I love saying bad things about herself. Now, imagine being in my position. Looking at you say those things, hear that you don't want to hurt me ever when you hadn't really hurt me at all! And you kept going, sending me my own messages, asking if that's what I meant, disbelieving that I was fine, and all of that. 

Now I can see that what was actually happening is that you were spiraling. 

Processing what happened is not the same as spiraling. I thought we were just talking about this light mood swing on my part and a misunderstanding over a word. But what happened after that was unsettling and overwhelming to watch. All of it happened and I was not able to comfort you, to change the subject or even to leave the conversation. I am now fine again, and I don’t want you saying that you will “be better” by trying to repress your feelings. All I want you to do is differentiate between processing and spiraling, and take it easy on yourself. Be gentler on yourself. I wouldn’t let anyone say the things you say about yourself to you, so maybe you should reevaluate those mean words. Also, please, believe me when I say that I’m fine. Taking that from me makes me feel like being fine is not an option, when in fact, I am fine.

I love you, please be gentler to the woman I love.